Killer Innovations: reblog

In a humorous piece for the Guardian Unlimited, Guy Browning highlights 20 tips for succeeding in the modern workplace. Rule #1, of course, is "never make the coffee," A close second is "ignore all e-mails." In the piece, Browning also finds time to skewer consultants:

"A consultant is someone in business with an ego so large it takes more than one company to support it. At a personal level, consultants work either by trying to inspire fear or trying to be friends. It's in trying to be friends with you that they inspire the most fear. The acid test of a consultant is whether they can say, "Everything's fine, we'll be off then." No real consultant can. Instead they will sell you a project that costs just enough to keep your profits suppressed to a level that requires further remedial consultancy."

As well, Browning suggests that, instead of writing a new report, it's often best to recycle an older report:

"Reports are the office equivalent of cones in the road. They are not actually work themselves but they are a big, clear sign that real work might be done at some stage. In the meantime, they slow everything down and cause anger and annoyance all round. The quickest and easiest way to write a report is to change the names in the last report. When you do this, be aware that there will always be one name that escapes your changes and that will be in the sentence,.."

[image: The Office]